Crappy Valentine's Day!

Look, girls, I get it. You want me to call all those shiny, happy people who kiss in the hallways and hold hands in the cafeteria losers just to give you a fleeting sense of superiority. I won't do that. Instead, I'd like to address all you adorkable girls out there with the bad feathered hair who idle away your free time staring into space fantasizing about being best friends with a couple of superstars; to the girls who gently hold their glasses while in deep discussion with a friend who has formed an unhealthy relationship with her volleyball; to the girls who the boys never talk to and who never get asked out; to the girls who could never really relate to the sophisticated girls with the great hair and perfect makeup and awesome disco threads; to the girls who end up eating their lunch in the music wing with all the other social outcasts,* I've got this to say to you: JUST SAY NO to that odious popularity contest coming up on February 14. Accept the fact that you will receive nary a card nor chocolate heart on that despicable Hallmark Hall of Shame Holiday. Ignore the pretty girls carrying cheap bouquets of roses into Chem class. Because you know what? Valentine's day means nothing and high school sucks! Put some music on and get over it!

* Even though this pretty much sums up my wretched life c.1978, I did not, in fact, have a close friend with an unhealthy attachment to a volleyball...tho that would have been fun!