I must've missed the very special Hallmark Hall of Fame adaptation of this gripping YA novel, starring Brian Wilson (hey, he had bills to pay) and the irrepressibly zany Mayim Bialik as two crazy canoe instructors leading double lives as baby snatchers! Yup, must've missed that one. Check out the load in that little guy's pants! No, I meant Brian's. Yes, children, back in the early 80's grown men paraded around in short-shorts without any hint of embarrassment. 
I always thought there was but one kind of silence. You know, the kind when there isn't any noise. But after giving it some (silent) thought, I realize that there are several kinds of silence. There are moments of silence, vows of silence, the right to remain silent, the deafening silence one hears in oxymoronville, the cone of silence and of course, the silence of the lambs. There's also the kind of silence that surrounds oneself while wearing awesome slouch socks!
Mare Winningham is perturbed because her trivial pursuit game is being held up by...dun-dun-dunnnn...teenage drinking! I know I saw this as an ABC afterschool special. Michelle Pfieffer played Mare's friend and the dumb lug was played by Val Kilmer. I don't remember much (hey, I was probably chugging down Wild Turkey at the time) except that Val gets really wasted and plows his Pinto into Mare. His automobile, you dirty dogs. I loved those afterschool specials. They served up all the shocking teen issues of the day with a sickening side of cheezwhiz and ham. But enough of that, check out Mare's awesome slouch socks - those were the bomb, yo! Kinda like the Uggs of my era. Only not as ugly.
What is more frightfully disturbing?
With Halloween almost upon us, I thought I'd feature some ultra creeptastic cover illustrations. The symbolism here is not at all subtle - everyone knows that white lilies symbolize the departure of the soul. Behind the blooms of death a trio of clairol-loving vampires, one of whom is in need of a fast-acting antacid, have just initiated an unsuspecting sister in their undead ways. Their leader Spike, who has the commanding presence to pull off a lavender manbag, is unaware of the zombie in the distance. But wait, that's no zombie! He isn't hungry for brains, he's hungry for.......!
