This is how it's done

The following is a handy dandy guide to the components that make up a superbly lame 1980's YA cover illustration:  (You can thank me later)

1) Disembodied heads floating amid a neutral background. Extra special lameness if one of the heads is a geeky kid with thick glasses just waiting for you to get undressed. (please cover book before getting into your jammies, girls)

2) Obsolete technology

3) Random grouping of lilliputians

4) Giant central character in a seemingly catatonic state. Extra points if she's so out of it she's neglected her hair. (Girlfriend, break out the conditioner!) 

Combine all elements, slap on an ominous title and finish with a tri-named author. Voila! You have a young adult masterpiece, moldering in the stacks of a time-traveling library near you!

Attack of the Killer Koalas

I'm really digging the diagonal composition of this illustration - the delicate branches have a Japanese vibe. However, it stops there. The rest of the subject matter is freaking me the frak out. The title suggests science fiction. I suppose that would explain the neon tubes blasting out of the kid's jacket, as well as his super cool tricorder and the electric blue intrinsic field-subtracted halo surrounding him. However, it does not explain these things (shudder): 

                                                     

According to the blurb they are "lumpies ~ gray smiling creatures, innocent yet knowing." Lumpies, shmumpies! RUN!!!!

Been Smug Forever

Ignore the smug douchebag there and take in the cornucopia of technology he's amassed. That sexy 

uber genius tacked up on the wall is no doubt impressed. Is that a Betamax? And a Commodore PET? I bet it's fully loaded with all the latest DOS apps. I particularly like those giant super-cushy headphones. Makes me want to put them on and sing Girl. Speaking of which, do you see what the lovely long-haired girl (clearly not impressed with any of it) is wearing? Look closely. Slouch Socks! I miss slouch socks. The only time you see them anymore is during tick season.  

What do you suppose the "Save" poster is all about? My guess... Save the Slouch Socks!

18.1

I hope you all had a yummy Thanksgiving. How nice to have an extended weekend to reflect and give thanks for everything meaningful and dear to our hearts, as well as for all the little things that make us smile. I, for one, am giddy with thanks to whoever created this crazy cover.  It really has it all - a nerdboy, an authentic Commodore calculator zipping through space and a gorgeous salon                                                    makeover! 

How to Fascinate Jason

Hey Jason, you sensuous man, you - want to know how to fascinate women? Lose the Nugent poster (really, he's not a very nice guy), put this on your stereophonic turntable, and fer chrissakes, put your eyes back in your head! What're you looking at that's so astonishing anyway? Oh, this. Perhaps you're not ready for girls.

Bad Timing

Why the long face, Denny? You're a good-looking kid rockin' the flattop and leather jacket. You've got a trunkful of cassettes to sell featuring all the hottest

sounds of the day to help pay off those bitchin' wheels. Life should be good. Oh yeah, all the cool kids are buying these things now. Bummer. 

Back to School

I thought I'd post an illustration of happy, smiling youngsters for all my teacher friends out there.  I love this kid - from his flattop to his jaunty "yeah, I'm too cool for school" pose to his walkman (most likely playing this guy). The crowd behind him looks pretty stoked as well. The only thing that could possibly go wrong in this scenario would be a pigeon attack! 

Bravo!

What a difference in our summer covers! I love this illustration...the wistful Kirk Cameron wannabe thinking of those summer girls he'll never meet, his smirking sister with the walkman (I'll bet she's listening to these guys), the font that ties in beautifully with the nautical theme...I'm sorry, I just can't find anything to criticize here. Richard Peck was a top notch YA author of his generation and this book is absolutely charming - so if you've got something snarky to say, bring it on!