Sunday, September 28, 2008

When Mannequins Come to Life!

What's wrong with this picture? The girl on the left appears to be a living, breathing girl - the other I'm not so sure about. Miss Cable Knit is seriously creeping me out. She has an unearthly pallor, dead eyes, stiff posture and a hideous wig. But why would a YA novel be about a mannequin? Unless it's the story of a lonely, friendless girl who gets in touch with some dude named Lars and with his help gets a BFF of her own! But she specifically asked for the long haired model, dammit!

Monday, September 22, 2008

Girls in Love

There's a whole market for LGBT teens right now - David Levithan and Julie Anne Peters are two of the best among many others - but back in '82 it was the rare book that addressed the issue. I've read this book and it's a very moving, very real story set against a great NYC backdrop. I could see a gay or confused teen finding much comfort and affirmation here, but oy vey, this cover! Yeah, I know not every lesbian looks like this, but girls, would it kill you to iron the flannel and put a comb through your hair?

Thursday, September 18, 2008

A Killing Freak!

Whoa! Another cover featuring a huge freaky dude reaching out to grab ya! Obviously a different artist -quite proud of his finished work (notice the signature at the lower left). I would kill to have the original prominently displayed in my home. What I find especially, um, special about this one, besides the ambiguously gendered kid with the awesome jewfro, is that other bit of tonsorial artistry very cleverly concealed. Do you see it? That crazy frozen giant has a Tree of Life chinbeard! I've never seen that before. Cool! 

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

How to Fascinate Jason

Hey Jason, you sensuous man, you - want to know how to fascinate women? Lose the Nugent poster (really, he's not a very nice guy), put this on your stereophonic turntable, and fer chrissakes, put your eyes back in your head! What're you looking at that's so astonishing anyway? Oh, this. Perhaps you're not ready for girls.

Sunday, September 14, 2008

Bad Timing

Why the long face, Denny? You're a good-looking kid rockin' the flattop and leather jacket. You've got a trunkful of cassettes to sell featuring all the hottest
sounds of the day to help pay off those bitchin' wheels. Life should be good. Oh yeah, all the cool kids are buying these things now. Bummer. 

Thursday, September 11, 2008

This or That

There can only be two explanations to account for this disturbing scene.

Scenario #1. Some bullies overhear Nerdboy saying he has a girlfriend (this is a fib). They threaten him with the wedgie of all wedgies unless he comes to the dance on Friday with his "girlfriend." Because Nerdboy is super smart, he builds himself a Robogirl. He thought she would look like this, but instead he ends up with a scrawny, oddly dressed beanie-wearing 7th grader. But time's a wasting and he'll just have to make do. As he's getting ready to go, Robogirl's systems crash and she slams her synthetic head into the home-made monitor. The electromagnetism causes a lightning storm as Nerdboy looks on in horror.

Scenario #2. Nerdboy has a sister he really, really hates. Hates everything about her, from the top of her beanie to the soles of her Doc Martin's. She's always snooping around, too - like today, Nerdboy caught her messing with his papers. He's got a system, dammit, and now she's gone and messed it all up! Nerdboy thinks horrible thoughts about her - how he'd like to smash her skull open, but before he can tell her to get the heck out, BLAM, an invisible force propels her headfirst into the monitor and she DIES! Nerdboy realizes that he has an incredible power......and he can't wait to use it, bwahaha!

Really, what else could Blossom Culp's dreadful future possibly be about?

Monday, September 8, 2008


Okay, so you're a kid browsing the new fiction in your school library and you see this ghastly, nightmare-inducing cover. Would you want to read this book?Jeezus, I would be afraid to touch it. What does creepy old dude keep? Promises? Secrets? Young boys? And do you recognize these two? I just know I've seen them before, but I can't quite put my finger on it................................................I've got it! I had no idea they juggled book cover modeling gigs with movie

Sunday, September 7, 2008

I Got You, Babe

The usually flamboyant Cher sheds her sequins for one of her most dramatic roles ever! No, not as a card carrying member of the Sisterhood of the Traveling Pantsuits, but as an English Lit teacher who feels a stirring in the polyester for one of her students, played by the adorable, not yet crazy Thetan, Tom Cruise. Will their forbidden love, in all its purity and passion shatter the boundaries of teacher/student relations? Or will dude #2 screw everything up? Beats me!

Thursday, September 4, 2008


I have no idea what the frikkity frak this is all about! The images are so random. Perhaps if I take a peek inside I'll get a better understanding....
...."Pretty Cindy Lou Hensley is torn between the hot rocker in town and the soldier that got all those medals in 'Nam. One night she dreams of a Native American dude with lasers coming out of his cheeks who speaks thusly, 'Girl of sky eyes and hair of wheat, forget these losers. When the beets in the field have grown and the sheep in the meadow approach, you will meet a mysterious man of many skills. With you at his side, he will bring hope and the promise of change to our dying land.'  
Does the prophecy come true?  You betcha!

Tuesday, September 2, 2008

Denim vs. Khaki

I wish a movie had been made about Gardine and Hanover dramatizing their Junior Year Fashion Feud! One likes the pleated khaki's, while the other prefers baggy Wrangler's pegged at the ankle (so becoming). The only thing they can agree on is the height of the waist. Is the picture behind them a snapshot of their happier past when all it took was a ride on a banana seat bicycle to keep the peace? Please girls, can't we all just get along and accept each other's poor clothing choices? Oh, right, you're teenage girls. Forget I even brought it up.

Monday, September 1, 2008

Back to School

I thought I'd post an illustration of happy, smiling youngsters for all my teacher friends out there.  I love this kid - from his flattop to his jaunty "yeah, I'm too cool for school" pose to his walkman (most likely playing this guy). The crowd behind him looks pretty stoked as well. The only thing that could possibly go wrong in this scenario would be a pigeon attack