Thursday, July 31, 2008

Lotsa Clues!

Clue #1: Are they brother and sister? I'm gonna say yes - they sure look alike. And I bet that's his hoodie she's wearing. Love the overalls - so forgiving for the stockier gal.

Clue #2: The buildings in the background are distinctly of another land - Europe? Russia?

Clue #3: The boy apparently is a fan of Ang Lee's Brokeback Mountain. He likes Ennis!!

How'd I do?
Turns out they are brother and sister (twins) and they are in Russia!! Yay, I was right! But since this book predates Brokeback, I am embarrassingly wrong on the last clue. Does he like Dennis? Dennis who? It can't possibly say I LIKE TENNIS, can it? That would be such a lame statement, to merely like tennis. Who has such a lukewarm feeling about tennis? I, for one, loathe it.

Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Beyond Another Magic Mushroom

If this image isn't trippy enough, what with the blue floating  grandma head with plastic butter knives coming out of it to the bizarre clip art angels floating around a girl (who has extremely dilated pupils, I might add and a seemingly separated shoulder from the rest of her body), this description of the book is beyond another door, indeed:

"It began with a visit to the carnival, where Daria won a dish. That dish became more than a dish. It sometimes dissolved into a face that spoke."

Uh, Sonia Levitin, I'll have whatever drugs you're having.

Tuesday, July 29, 2008

The Year of Perfecting "The Pose"

I know you've all been waiting for the book written by that luscious piece of man candy, Terry Kay. On first glimpse I was struck by the boy's jeans. Are they the same jeans worn by my crush? Notice the left hand gripping the back pocket - the same pose, is it not? On reading the synopsis, we're told that the novel is inspired by his hotness' own boyhood in Georgia. So it is him, in the sweet years of youth before his eyes went bad and he discovered the joys of blowdrying! Is the naked lightbulb a symbol of the brilliance yet to come? But more importantly, what would possess his mother to sew him a shirt made out of a tablecloth? Did she despise our young hero? Did she endlessly badger him about how that hole in the porch ain't gonna be fixing itself, young man?

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

A Hunkahunka Burnin' Manliness!

I'll be going away for the next 5 days to the Land That Time Forgot, so I thought I'd leave you with this sexy pic of YA author Terry Kay. Feel free to make it your wallpaper - I know I will. I was going to post the cover of one of his novels, but that will have to wait - his picture is far more know he used Formula 405's Dry Look Hairspray to achieve that windswept look. He's all seriousness here, isn't he - clenched jaw, rigid pose - my god, he's ready to break those eyeglasses in two and tear the pocket off his jeans with his rugged hands! Let's talk about those jeans for a moment, shall we? The little coin pocket is a nice touch, as well as the center seams. A bit feminine, but this is a man fully comfortable with his sexuality. You can bet he's wearing Frye boots, not those hippie earth shoes. Looks like he's packin' a pistol in there too, if ya know what I mean. 

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

Face sucks.

So it appears that our little Shroom Girl got her emancipation status, along with a very becoming shag cut. Nice to see she chose to keep her kicky bangs but mixed it up with a different side part. Putting her crayons and mushrooms behind her, she's gone on tour with John Fogerty and some banjo-strumming redneck where they'll be headlining at the HoJo's in Piscataway, NJ...nice having some freedom, huh? She sure looks happy.

Monday, July 21, 2008


You know, like when your family traps you into collecting mushrooms when you'd rather be drawing portraits with your new box of crayolas? Actually this is another book full of DEATH! Dad dies, mom has a nervous breakdown, and shroom girl decides to split and become an emancipated minor. 

A note to the Out of Control girl: This is how you rock long hair - feathered bangs swept to the side. Take note of the confidence on her face while sporting such a commanding do. A dead dad and a psycho mother won't cramp her style!

Friday, July 18, 2008

Control yourself!

Cool glasses!! Seriously. I had these pink-tinted monstrosities back in the 7th grade - great peripheral vision, unlike the trendy little specs everyone wears today.  Who is this girl shying away from? Her optometrist? Her hair-stylist? Girl, lose the long scraggles and get some feathered wings put in there. Become acquainted with a curling iron, for godsakes. But keep the glasses. And stop looking so scared all the time. What's that you say? You're being sexually harassed? Right. Of course you are. I forgot this was a YA novel for a moment. Hey, at least your sister isn't dead. Yet.

Thursday, July 17, 2008

We Are Family

I'm expecting Billy Jack to walk into this picture and join the rest of this peace party of assembled stereotypes standing around in this concrete void. What's that stuck in the cement floor? Excalibur? Will Jimi Hendrix and his lovely dashiki have the power to wrench the sword from the stone or will Chief Lovely Legs be the once and future king? Who knows, but I'm sure by the end we'll find out that they are really 6 inch dolls at the bottom of a trash bin as Twilight Zone music begins to play.

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

Nooooooooo, I beg you!!

Scariest illustration EVER!!! I don't know what's more unsettling - The kids with the dead eyes (hey blond dude, wipe that smirk off your face!), the disembodied gorilla head, or the clown in the bullseye? And is the girl sporting a tat on her arm? What does this all mean? Do the kids shoot at sad clowns for target practice? Who will be their next victim? Most likely the reader -  the book'll probably suck out your soul by the end of chapter one - it's probably all blank after that. But aren't you drawn to it...just a little bit? Try to take your eyes away from it........see? It wants you!

Tuesday, July 15, 2008


Dear Bill, 
Remember me? I'm that chick with the feathered hair and awesome Elton John t-shirt. Remember? We were just talking a minute ago by your brother's red Triumph. I mean, you're standing just 10 feet away from me, kinda like a groovy modern statue of David. Did you forget me already? Bill? Bill?? Remember? You gave me those ludes last night. Um, what happened after that? I kinda don't remember.

Monday, July 14, 2008

Blue Tights, Mofo!

There's something about this girl I really like. It's that don't mess with me, motha-fucka look and sassy pose while wearing such a horribly clashing and unflattering dance ensemble. Yeah, she knows the orange is rather unforgiving to the hips and the blue does nothing for her legs, but hey, who doesn't remember overcoming poor clothing choices with pure 'tude? You go, girl!

Sunday, July 13, 2008

Matt Frakkin' Dillon!

MATT F&%#ING DILLON!!! What the heckin' hollywood are you doing here? And so glammed up! Who's the grandma with the matching eyeliner? Are you her escort to a red-hat club meeting? Are you door-to-door sales reps for Mary Kay Cosmetics? And what's with the giant faucet coming out of the building? So many questions! Here's the real story:

Matt Dillon's sister is dead. (There is always death in YA novels) He's feeling all alone and he's an outcast to boot (my advice - lose the makeup) so he becomes BFF with an elderly cat lady who has frickin' Alzheimer's! They become roadies for the New York Dolls.  Just kidding about that last part. 

Friday, July 11, 2008

Schizo Girl!

The story of a schizophrenic teen carrying out the evil biddings of a conch shell? A girl who uses the sound of the sea to tune her piano? A feathered hair-lovin' girl who is also partial to prairie fashion? Your guess is as good as mine.....actually the girl's mother drowns in a freak accident and her dad ships her off to an aunt's house in New Zealand! Zaniness ensues.

Thursday, July 10, 2008

Chase Scene!

What do you see here? Two girls with stylish short feather cuts. The girl on the left looks slightly alarmed. You would too if there were giant orange hands and a big freaky face behind you. And what's with the old-fashioned car? Will the "chase scene" take place in it?

Soooooo...after reading the inside blurb, I am sorely disappointed to find out that these are two boys. And freaky face behind them is an escapee from an insane asylum who kidnaps them and forces them to drive him to NYC. Oh yeah, it also says this is a "lighthearted story...taking the reader along on a highly original spree."  Wheeeeee!!

Wednesday, July 9, 2008

Toads, Warts, Yuck.

I'm gonna assume that the kid on the couch is Wart and that the nattily dressed dude pointing and waving his glasses around (who's staring directly at me - please stop that!) is Toad. I don't want to know any more. I'm not interested in their gross names...their sartorial choices...their choice of beverage...the precarious perspective of the coffee table where said beverage is about to slide onto my lap. I'd rather contemplate the perfectly feathered hair of Wart's girlfriend/sister (?)

Tuesday, July 8, 2008

Coasting, yup, that's what he's doing.

Dear Barbara Cohen,
When I first saw this book, I thought, "How radical! A book written in 1985 about a teenage hustler! He's just arrived in the big, bad ci-tay, looking for Christopher Street." What's that you say? It's called Coasting - not Cruising? Huh. Coulda fooled me. Nice feathered hair though.

Monday, July 7, 2008

The Amazing Glory Girl

 This was the ideal head of hair in the early 80's - perfectly feathered wings with highlights to die for. But what is she wearing?! Sensible flats, long granny skirt, blah button-down shirt. I'm beginning to suspect she's trapped in some religious sect that won't let her wear tube tops and cut-offs, like all us feathered-haired girls did back then. She appears to be in an auditorium, clutching a record album to her chest. Is it a Glory Gospel Singers album? Is she the eponymous Glory Girl? Why is there a calculator on the table? And why the sour puss? What do you think this is all about?