[clears throat, enters stage right]
Give me your teen outcasts, your shunned soliloquists, your huddled rehearsers yearning to breathe free the wretched refuse of your teeming high school hallways. Send these, the dramatic dabblers, the backstage babes, tempest-tost to me, I lift my spot light beside the golden stage. Yes, young thespian, hug thyself!*
*and get the boy to do your hair and make-up - I'm sure he's fabulous at it, darling!